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The Belted Doctor, Prologue

Title: The Belted Doctor, Prologue

Author: tkel_paris</lj> , aka KendraC

Rating: High T, borderline M for (very) naughty humor, and some hints... Consider yourself warned.

Summary: A crack!fic inspired by a line from “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and run for its life with. The Doctor is left with a very uncomfortable “protection” against unwanted advances. But will he find the one who is foretold to release him from his... prison?

Disclaimer: Mel Brooks owns “Men in Tights.” The BBC and others own “Doctor Who.” 'Nuff said.

Original Posting Author's Note: I was sending <lj user="bas_math_girl"> line prompts, and this came to me. At first, I asked her to have at it so I wouldn't be tempted, but she suggested a challenge. This grew out of it, and I find my muse is waking up after a long slumber. Maybe I'll actually finish some stories now!
Anyway, this inaugurates me into the world of Doctor Who, of which I like a particular corner... Hope this makes people laugh.

LJ Posting Author's Note: Glad to join the doctor_donna  community with this fic! This is my answer to the challenge that our beloved bas_math_girl  issued when I begged her to write something. Sweetie, thanks for going over this and helping me get my feet wet with the bits that I'm totally ignorant of. Namely, nearly all of Whovian history that isn't part of New Who. Enjoy!

Coming to awareness after regenerating could come at varying speeds. It all depended on how violent the “death” of his previous incarnation had been. Sometimes The Doctor caught his bearings within a minute of finishing a transformation, and could jump right into a new situation without any aftereffects from the change.

But sometimes things took longer. A lot longer.

Not that it should've surprised him; he and the TARDIS had survived the Time Lock that would destroy Gallifrey (and hopefully, the Daleks, as well) – which he wasn't expecting. Romana was right; he must have many more people and planets to save.

Bloody hell.

It wasn't until he'd landed on Earth, sometime in Common Era year 2005, that he really started to notice the changes that he'd undergone. An Earth mirror showed that he was now a tall man with... Well, he wasn't sure if they were the worst ears he'd ever had, but his voice was decent. Would convey the right authority – which was vital since he was now the highest authority in this universe.

Unless the Guardians of Time found a way of returning. He supposed it might happen, but only if things were really turning poorly again.

But the biggest change was one he couldn't believe he'd forgotten. Even with the haze of regenerating.

He had sent the TARDIS to over 5 billion years in the future since he thought – for reasons that would take up over ten pages to transcribe – would be a good place to take Rose for her first adventure. He felt a need to clean himself a little after dealing with the Nestisine Consciousness, and it would ease his pride at needing to be saved by a slip of an Earth girl. (Because, really, he should have known to keep more attention on where the nearest “possessed” mannequins were.) It had been the source of some of his words after they stopped the threat.

He conveniently forgot about all of the times that various companions had to save him from dire circumstances, but those would come back to haunt him. Especially as Rose got herself into more and more problems from simply not listening to him. The relief of having someone other than the TARDIS for company – someone who could walk – was overwhelming the Lonely God, and clouding his thoughts.

Although he would need a major ass-kicking to realize that...

But back to that particular moment... He had put Rose in a room that his ship felt she would like, and encouraged her to explore it. (He really didn't want to have to monitor her all of the time, and she was yet to earn the right to be in the Control Room by herself.) And so he made it to his special bathroom, went to relieve himself...

And came right up against the other thing that Romana had done before they were separated forever...

Once he'd woken from being knocked out, Romana had a few things to say. “It will adjust with any regenerations you undergo,” she'd said, in a rush since they were racing against the worst patch of time in either's history. “And it'll let you void yourself without a problem. The TARDIS will take care of the cleaning.”

Which was rather impressive when you thought about what it was.

“It'll also keep your urges under control.” He'd raised an eyebrow over that, but before he could ask how he wouldn't be weirdly stimulated by the constant contact, Romana explained, “Whenever your hormones are elevated, it will release a chemical into your bloodstream that will neutralize the changes.”

A true monk, then, but with something more than praying for divine aid to keep on track. Given that he was now the last Time-Lord, it was what he expected.

“You forget how easily your companions have come to love you,” she'd chided him, and The Doctor could hear those words as plainly as when she spoke them. “It can't stop you from getting attached to anyone, but it won't let you make a mistake. Well, not a serious one.”

He had looked hard at the Gallifreyan symbols on the front, and frowned. “Lovely,” he had muttered. “It's an Everlast.”

Romana had flashed a weird grin. “Well, we must prevent the potent seed of Gallifrey from being spread into the wrong places.”

“So I'll be wearing a chastity belt until my last regeneration gives out.”

“No.” Another frown, both in his memory of the talk and in that moment of remembering. “I have Seen some of your future. You will father a new race of Time-Lords. With the only woman in the universe strong enough to handle us.”

That still sounded like trouble, and his Eight self worried about that, too. “Won't there be a huge que of women of all sorts of species coming my way? This could interfere with saving planets and people!”

“Keep this, Doctor.” She'd handed him a small, rolled paper. “Enough of a riddle to keep most from realizing anything. And I suspect you won't be telling anyone.”

Not that he had to; it was well-concealed. He grudgingly acknowledged her cleverness in that. But he had one important question: “Say I do find her. How will I know?”

“I shared my vision with your TARDIS, and gave her the key. When you find the woman, the key will be bestowed upon her when the TARDIS senses that she is ready to become the mother of a new race of Time-Lords.” Then another thought hit her, and she smiled wryly. “Just try to be gentle with her when it comes off... All those suppressed urges will come back at once.”

So there he was. Filled with the potential to create more of his people, but bound within a pelvic prison. “I really wonder if there is such a woman,” he muttered as he stared at the chastity belt. “More like Romana wanted to keep me for herself in cruel way.”

Now, he didn't like thinking ill of any companions (especially one that he might as well have been in love with), but he was feeling irritated enough to wish a punching bag with a Dalek pictured on it into existence in the TARDIS' gymnasium. Which he proceeded in pounding vigorously, thinking the whole time, “Exterminate this!"

Chapter 1: An Embarrassing Moment


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 20th, 2011 11:03 am (UTC)
HAHAHAHA! Love it! Robin Hood Men in Tights is one of my favorite movies. Great work!
May. 20th, 2011 01:20 pm (UTC)
It's one of mine, too. bas_math_girl and I had a lot of fun on this challenge.
May. 21st, 2011 02:06 am (UTC)
I don't mean to be nasty, but it would be nice to have a character list so that people on a Donna-friendly don't find themselves in a sense tricked into reading a fic about Rose and the Doctor. On the other hand, if Donna is going to be a part of this fic, those people who will otherwise not read it because of Rose being a lead character might be more interested in future parts.
May. 21st, 2011 03:04 am (UTC)
Good tip...
The story kinda needs build-up to explain the situation the Doctor finds himself in, and things stick fairly close to cannon in that Rose is a companion for two years. But the Belt changes a lot of things, and it will become clear that Rose isn't the One for him - which Rose herself doesn't really accept. (Which I see as pretty damn close to cannon...) In fact, things will get really nasty and ugly for Rose in the end.

I'll go back and add a quick note character list - that doesn't spoil things for those who haven't already read this at FF.N. Basically, Donna won't appear until Chapter 4, and doesn't become a permanent fixture until Chapter 6. But we need Rose here because I'm going to be pointing out things that the Doctor did wrong with Rose to show just how rubbish he is with feelings in general - and with thinking through to the consequence of his solutions... And believe me, Donna will be brilliant at making him see what he did wrong... It'll be great!
May. 21st, 2011 10:50 am (UTC)
Re: Good tip...
Glad to hear it!
May. 29th, 2011 02:49 pm (UTC)
Yay glad to see you posting here on LJ!

I LOLed at the Everlast line, heeee!
May. 30th, 2011 04:23 am (UTC)
Yeah, that was the line that prompted the whole shebang! My muse is a minx... Anyway, so glad you enjoyed that!
Oct. 28th, 2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
(Okay, I feel bad about having read - and re-reading- these without leaving a comment. I'll try to do so based on each one, without future knowledge.)

Oh, Romana, you little bitch devil! I wonder if the Doctor is right: she's keeping him all to herself. Somehow I doubt that, especially if she's involved the TARDIS in her schemes.

"we must prevent the potent seed of Gallifrey from being spread into the wrong places.”
That made me giggle and think of Captain Kirk!

"the only woman in the universe strong enough to handle us.”
Well, that describes Donna to a tee!

And lastly:
he was feeling irritated enough to wish a punching bag with a Dalek pictured on it into existence in the TARDIS' gymnasium. Which he proceeded in pounding vigorously, thinking the whole time, “Exterminate this!"
Oh, dear Nine. He's so visceral, so primal!! I love it!! (I wish I write for him without the presence of the Pink One. *sigh*)

Apr. 3rd, 2015 04:52 am (UTC)
(Not as bad as I feel about not seeing them until now.)

Well, I bet she had another purpose in mind, but realized that she had to preserve him for another. Oh, well.

Among others, I'm sure. :P

Amen, right? :D

*giggles* That one I'm still proud of. I might have to reuse it sometime. :DDDD Hey, that's what fanfics are for! How go the Nine without Rose fics? Started any?
Carolyn Harrison
Apr. 2nd, 2015 11:16 pm (UTC)
I think Romana did want to keep him for herself. Which is why she put him in the chastity belt, and only created the key and the puzzle afterwards when she had a vision that the Doctor was supposed to Father a new race of Time Lords.

The scene wth the punching bag always reminds me of the scene in the movie The Avengers, where Captain America (Steve Rogers) has a whole bunch of them lined up at once so he can destroy them one after the other.
Apr. 3rd, 2015 04:50 am (UTC)
You know, it's weird looking back on this fic. I can see the Americanisms that I've learned to edit out, and they make me cringe.

*giggles* I haven't seen that yet, but it sounds funny.
Dec. 27th, 2015 10:29 pm (UTC)
Lol as I echo another commenters thoughts on Captain America. I can so see Nine demolishing his gym time and again. Cute start especially the quip about everlast. Will there be singing in this one too? Cant wait to see how this evolves.
Dec. 28th, 2015 03:46 am (UTC)
Um... no singing in this one. Unless... well, that doesn't really count. But I couldn't help that gym mention. :)

This was my first DW fic, and I can't help but cringe when I read it because I can SEE the Americanisms that pepper the dialogue. Oh, well. Had to start somewhere.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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