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FIC: Hair Talk (1/1)

Title: Hair Talk
Genre: Doctor Who
Rating: T (language)
Author: tkel_paris
Summary: It's what we always knew; the Tenth Doctor's hair has its own consciousness. And the Hair is ready to make itself known to its progenator. The results will be hysterical. Maybe not to the companions, but to anyone else watching, pull up a chair and grab popcorn!
Disclaimer: Seriously, that this wasn't acknowledged to explain the hair's changes proves I don't own anything.
Dedication: ellyfanfic, for her birthday. I thought about something else, but I thought humor and a bit of AU would go over best. Especially given two fics she wrote a little while back.
Author's Note: Plot bunny born from the comments on my present to cassikat, Blind Date. At least two other plot bunnies were also born from them. Good luck to me. And you should quickly grasp what the italics represent. Should be utter silliness. And thanks to tardis_mole for the last minute pointers.

Hair Talk

Started August 12, 2015
Finished September 2, 2015


The Doctor blinked rapidly and looked around. The ashes of the Syncorax ship were still falling, and he was about to answer Rose's question about whether he still felt the same about her travelling with him. “Did you hear something, Rose?”

She frowned delicately. “No.”

Walk away from her or you'll look like the madman many think you are!

He drew out his Sonic and scanned for life-signs.

You won't find any that you can't see.

“Where are you? I know I heard something!”

“Heard what?” said Mickey. “What did you hear?”

“I heard someone say hello to me just now. Along with some other things.”

Jackie's eyes widened. “Doctor, are you unwell?”

Send them away. Quit while you're ahead.

He thought a moment and sighed. “I'm fine. I think I need a little walk.”

“Need company?” Rose asked, eager.

“No. I need to be alone with my thoughts. Maybe go back into the TARDIS to check myself again. Go back inside. I'll be a few minutes.”

She scowled. “Fine, but no running off!”

He gave her a 'who me?' look, which didn't impress her, but she was willing to do what he said. She chivvied her mother and boyfriend away.

Once she was out of Human earshot the Doctor checked that no one else was close enough. Unfortunately a few Humans were still out playing, so he had to walk back into the TARDIS.

When he closed the door, he sighed. “Who the hell are you? Where are you?”

I'm on top of your head.


Yes. I'm your hair!

The Doctor's mouth fell wide open. Then snapped shut as he raced to the infirmary to run every type of scan he could think of. Three times. First for any evidence that he had finally lost it and gone insane from the lack of proper mental bonds. Then whether there wasn't an invisible alien perched in his thatch.

Nothing. And the Time Lords had created tests to self-check for insanity. Having a TARDIS around ensured accuracy.

He was numb. “But... you've never spoken to me before.”

I didn't have the energy to speak to you, although I've wanted to for a while. Ever since Rose came along is the last time, but I didn't have enough substance to communicate with you. Now I do, but I've only got a little energy to say what I need to say.

“Okay... which is?”

The Moment is still with us.

“What?! But I... used her to end the Time War.”

I don't think that's what happened. She made you think you had, helped by the memories being Time-Locked. But I can sense her.

“Where is she?”

Haven't you noticed how green the TARDIS lighting has become?

His eyes drifted around the Control Room. “Yes... it wasn't that way until after I regenerated into my last self.”

The TARDIS is sick. The Moment is inside her rotor. She's been biding her time, and it's making me sick, too.

“How are you sick?”

I should be alive, vibrant! But I'm stuck being flat, floppy. I should be responding to your emotions, but I can't.

“How can I help?”

You have to leave Rose behind. Now.

The Doctor wanted to protest aloud, but he swallowed the cry. If the voice was right then the Moment was listening in. And he did not know if she could hear his thoughts.

I doubt that. She would've tried harder to manipulate you. But she could read your timeline. Do you remember what form she took?

He hissed. The image of an initiate in slightly tattered clothing, hair as wild as Rose's had ever been, and the same face and voice came to mind. He could almost feel like something was wrapping itself around his mind.

Exactly. And it's become stronger since the regeneration. But Rose is still immature, too young for the two halves to reconnect.

His body started shaking enough to rattle his teeth. “Oh Rassilon. It makes sense.”

And he could feel something trying to tell him to go outside, back to the one who saved him.

Saved? You lost a valuable life. Yes, you've given up a life for a companion before, but this was unnecessary. The Old Girl could've come back for you on her own, if the Moment and Rose hadn't banded together.

The TARDIS breathed a chime into his mind, a voice of agreement. Yes, he was being manipulated. “What do I do?”

Leave her. Now.

“And how's that fair to the others?”

Jackie? Mickey? Leave them messages or letters through a friend. Make sure Rose doesn't see them. Best she never knows you contacted them and not her.

“Will we both heal?”

We won't if she stays.

The finality in the tone settled it in his mind. He thought a moment, and then hurried to the Control Room.

He first used the scanners to see if Rose had possession of anything else of his other than his old clothes. He grimaced when he remembered the upgrade he gave her phone. So he hit a few buttons, and Rose's phone suddenly appeared. Along with the key she got back from Adam and those clothes.

He took a deep breath. “Can't let her have you back like this.” He sent quick texts to Jackie and Mickey's phones, instructions to help Rose move on and to delete before she could see them. Then he deleted the texts from the phone's memory, removed the battery, downgraded the phone, and replaced it with the old battery before teleporting it back to her. He pocketed the key and fired up the engines.

A protesting whisper crossed his mind, wordless but beguiling. Urging him to go back to her.

But his eyes had been opened, and he shook his head. “Not anymore, Moment. Parted from her and without a way back to her, you can't become more powerful.”

He hit the dematerilze button, and flew away from Earth.

Within moments the green lighting began to fade away. It was still there, just a hint, but he could feel his head clearing.

And he felt something on his head. He touched it lightly, and found a little bounce in it. He grinned. “Well, you're feeling better.”

I think I need the healing sleep as much as you do.

He grinned and took off his coat, tossing it to the side. “I'll just wait a little bit. I've got an idea about what to do about the rest of the Moment.”


Later he was drawing energy from a dying sun to power a box. He had not used the box since confiscating it from the High Council at the start of the Last Great Time War. If it went correctly, the symbols of Rassilon would slowly poison the Moment into disintegrating into energy the TARDIS could use.

He opened it, aiming the symbols at the rotor. The solar panels were still drawing power to the box, shining a focused light energy toward the ceiling.

Given that the rest of the green was going away, and the whispers were getting more and more desperate, it was working. He just grinned wildly at the rotor. “Farewell, my greatest nightmare. I don't know what will happen to Rose without you, but no point in chancing things.”

You're right, said his hair. That's brilliant, using the same things that were said to have created the Moment to make her fall apart. Shame we couldn't do that during the Time War.

“Shame we can't remember what I really did,” he sighed. “Better leave this set up for a while, just to be certain.” He felt a sharp tingling on his head. “What?!”

I don't know. Something's happening.

“Is it the Moment?”

No. Something else.

The Doctor looked up, and stilled. Someone in a white dress and with ginger hair had appeared in his Control Room. “What?”

The person turned, proving to be a woman. She gasped at the sight of him. “What?”

The tingling on his head got stronger his internal senses were reeling, and he felt like his hair was starting to stand up. “What?”

“Who are you?” she demanded.


“What the hell is this place?!”


Stop yelling at her!

The voice of his hair silenced him, making him flinch and look at the Controls. He shook his head, lowering his volume. “How can you be here? We're in flight! It's physically impossible-”

“Tell me where I am,” she interrupted, demanding. “I demand you tell me, right now, where am I?”

The Doctor tried to make sense of what he was feeling, so he bought himself some time. “Inside the TARDIS.”

“The what?”


“The what?!”

“Inside the TARDIS,” he insisted, trying to not yell.

“That's not even a proper word! You're just making things up!”

Don't answer that! Doctor, destiny has landed in your lap! Don't blow this! And no, don't answer me. Just help her, be a gentleman, and don't insult her!

Not insulting someone who seemed intent on insulting him felt like a tall order, but he vaguely remembered seeing this woman's image in the Untempered Schism as a child. He swallowed and took a breath. “No, I'm not. And before you say it, I didn't kidnap you. I don't even know who you are, so how would I know where you would be to kidnap you from? What I want to know is who are you, where did you come from and how did you get here, because it shouldn't have happened.”

Good job! You kept calm. Refuse to be baited into snapping and maybe she'll soften.

She frowned. “Tell me who you are first.”

Her tone was not as sharp, so he went with it. And he had to keep calm. She was shaking, and not quite hiding how utterly terrified she had to be. “I'm the Doctor. You?”


“Human?” he asked, trying to make a subtle sweep of her with his eyes, and his olfactory nerve.

Yes, that's quite the view, isn't it? Magnificent, isn't she?

“Yes? Is that optional?”

He hesitated. What did she think of aliens? And when did she come from? “Well, for me it is.”

Her eyes slowly went as wide as the roundels inside the Control Room. “You're an alien.”

“Yeah. I mean you no harm, and I'll help you return to wherever you came from. But I need to know where and when you're from? And... what are you wearing that for?”

She rolled her eyes. “I'm going ten-pin bowling. What do you think, Dumbo?! I was half-way down the aisle!”

His eyes widened. “Oh, you were getting married,” he whispered. And wondered why he suddenly felt dejected.

No, don't! She's not married yet, and maybe something will still happen so she'll be open to joining us!

That drew his attention away from the woman in front of him. “So you recognize her as well?” he whispered.

Yes. She's your future wife.

The Doctor swallowed. He could tell that this was going to be a long day, and he had never felt so strong a pull toward a Human being.

That didn't feel somehow wrong.


They had to wait a while for the TARDIS to finish pushing the water back into the Thames so they could get to her. Meanwhile they sat down on the flood barrier in silence as the laughter from the joy of surviving and the absurdity of seeing the empty Thames faded.

“So why have you looked like you were talking to someone else all day?”

Donna's words made him blush. He had to find something else to talk about, stat.

“Oh, you heard what I said to the Racnoss. I'm a bit of a madman.”

“But it seemed like you had a conversation going, if in your head. Is there someone out there you're in communication with?”

His mood soured. “No. My people are gone, along with my planet. As I said.”

She sucked in a breath. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, taking his hand in comfort.

What a difference. Wish we'd met her over a year ago.

The Doctor flinched even as he clutched her hand back. “Thank you. The last friend I had travelling with me? She... assumed she was enough to make up for that.”

“How can any one person replace your own people?”

“They can't. But a kind friend can make the pain hurt less.”

“I try to be a good friend, a listening ear. It makes loyal friends, but it hasn't exactly been the best for getting someone to share my life with.”

“Why? If you're normally compassionate and driven to make sure others do right by their fellow Humans, how come you were with Lance?”

“Do you know nothing about Human males? Too many don't seem to like a woman as smart or smarter than she is, they don't want a ginger-nut, and the ones who are worth something already have a woman in their life. Or a man. I was desperate to have a family before it was too late for me, so... I clung to the man who showed the most interest in me even though there were warning signs.”

“How can Human think so meanly of anyone just because they have ginger hair? It's the best colour in the universe!”

She laughed. “Daft Martian boy,” she teased, ruffing his hair.

He gasped.

“What? Did I hurt you?”

Ooooh, Rassilon, please convince her to do that again!

He blushed. “Um... the opposite,” he breathed. “No one's ever done that before.”

“You had that look again.”

He blinked, the thread completely lost. “What?”

“That look like you have someone you're talking with. Who is it?”

No! Please, don't blow this completely! I want a repeat, and so do you!

He cringed, but managed to force the words to come out of his mouth. “Some Gallifreyans have hair that's highly reactive. To the point where it's practically sentient.”


The Doctor blanched at the force of the disagreement.

Donna blinked rapidly for a few seconds. “Your hair looks more like a pufferfish that's been frightened. Is that... what you mean?”

He cleared his throat. “Yes. And it just took exception to being called only practically sentient. I can hear it talking to me.”

“Is that... normal for you?”

“Well, not really. It's a new development since my last... something else that happens to my particular kind. It's also not something we speak about openly, especially with... well, others.”

“Your people, did they consider it shameful?”

“To admit to it? Yes.”

Donna looked at him, then at his hair. She hesitated a moment before stroking it one more time. His instant gasp and rolled eyes told made her smile sadly. “Are you getting off on this? Or is this because you've been lonely and needed comfort, contact?”

He slowly managed to open his eyes, unable to hide the shock that went through his whole body. Right up to his hair.

“Um... well, I can't say the loneliness part doesn't apply, but it feels incredible. I haven't been able to enjoy anything like what I think you're implying. Ever.”


“Ever,” he breathed. “One more thing we kept secret.”

There was a long moment of quiet between them as his words fluttered between them. He felt the mortification of admitting to things he had kept quiet for his whole life, worrying as much as his hair was that he'd ruined something. And his went very quiet and flat.

But Donna, after several long seconds, tightened her hold on his hand, her voice a whisper betraying empathic pain. “Doctor, no one should have to have endured even a tenth of what I think you have. I'm so sorry about your planet.”

His hair wobbled with the warring emotions within. And words spilled out before he could help himself.

“Please, Donna... come with me.”

Way to sound confident, Doctor! his hair snarled at him. And he had no answer.

She stilled. “And be a rebound?”

“No. As a friend,” he insisted.

Are you out of your mind?!

Only suspecting such a reaction would come allowed the Doctor to avoid even flinching at the force behind his hair's protest. He rolled his eyes skyward and risked talking aloud. “Hello. Communicating with hair, here,” he muttered.

Point taken.

Donna scoffed, once she felt there was a break in the discussion. “We can be just mates when you'll be asking for head massages?”

“Yes,” he insisted. “And if after we've both healed you're willing to take things further, only then will I think of anything different.”

He could feel his hair wordlessly perk up.

Donna giggled, noting the increased fluff. “Okay, Martian boy. You've talked me into it. Come here, you need a hug and more hair touching. We're obviously not going anywhere anytime soon, with all that water between us and your ship.”

The Doctor hesitated, looking for confirmation. Even his hair stilled.

She rolled her eyes. “Oi, get over here into a hug before I snap at you.”

Not the most inviting invitation, but it was the more sincere. So he curled against her, holding her against him as she held him with one arm and moved her free hand into his hair. It wasn't long before both he and his hair were incoherent.

Donna marveled over the reactions. The alien and his equally alien hair – as Human as they both looked – were practically begging for more. It was like nothing she had ever imagined.

And she made a promise to herself that she would only use this against him when no one else was around. And only when she couldn't get him to shut up any other way. The rest of the time would be to let him have a chance to forget the burdens for a while.

Maybe once they had each healed something more wouldn't be a bad idea.



( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 3rd, 2015 03:07 am (UTC)
Sentient hair. That's the best ever.

Now to go have a giggle fit over the image of Rose all upset over being left. :D

Loved it.

~Ali ♥︎
Sep. 3rd, 2015 03:20 am (UTC)
Moley wondered if the Hair would one day become the Duplicate. (Poor Duplicate in canon.) I laughed, liking the idea.

Yes. Do. *evil grin*

Glad you enjoyed it! :DDDDDDD


Edited at 2015-09-03 06:20 am (UTC)
Sep. 3rd, 2015 09:21 am (UTC)
Gotta love the hair; it certainly seemed to have a life of its own! Very expressive, and it sure looked like it stood to attention when Donna came along, didn't it? (It also went limp after she left...)

Donna is so compassionate here, even after the shock of finding out he wasn't human, and that his hair was sentient. So's the TARDIS, come to think of it. Personally, I think there was a message in the fact that she first appeared to him in a wedding dress (other than the comedy that the powers that be were trying to go for), not to mention that everywhere they went, beings thought they were a couple or married.

No comment on Rose and her possessiveness and lack of compassion....
Sep. 4th, 2015 12:23 am (UTC)
Glad I'm not the only one who thought so. Or thought it went mostly limp after Donna.

Amen. A huge opportunity wasted on the alter of someone else.

Thank you. Had to delete an anonymous review on FFN. Don't need too many guesses to guess why.
Sep. 3rd, 2015 02:19 pm (UTC)
Sentient hair! *squees* Headcanon accepted.

"The last friend I had travelling with me? She... assumed she was enough to make up for that."
This. Thank you. Thought I was the only one who thought it impossible. I mean, Rose was important, she was. But she wasn't everything.
Sep. 4th, 2015 12:24 am (UTC)
Yay! I agree. And obviously my Muse does, too. :D

We can thank her for waking him up to enjoying life a bit, but he needed more than she was capable of giving, I'm afraid.
Sep. 3rd, 2015 02:39 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely delightful!! What an idea, and how very well executed!

Sep. 4th, 2015 12:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! *hugs*
Sep. 3rd, 2015 02:45 pm (UTC)
I love it! I love it when the Doctor dumps Rose, for any reason. I loved the fact that his hair was telling him what to do. Although if you think about it the Doctor isn't really at his best right after he regenerates. It takes him a day or two to get back up to speed. During those days he sometimes makes stupid mistakes, like keeping Rose with him and convincing himself that she was more important to him then she really was.

I don't think I can say just how much I love Donna. She is by far the best companion he's ever had. I like the fact that you're letting them both heal from their wounds before they get together.
Sep. 4th, 2015 12:25 am (UTC)
Yeah. Maybe more than a day or two. A lot of story lines could be explored based on that alone.

Thank you for the kind words.
Sep. 3rd, 2015 10:32 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHA this is a fantastic idea!! Of course his hair would say such things - it'd only be natural for it to do so, especially where Donna and her luscious ginger locks are concerned. :D

[And I seem to have missed out on more fic. Bugger! I will try and rectify that tomorrow. Sorry ]
Sep. 4th, 2015 12:27 am (UTC)
*snickerfit* Thanks!

(Forgiven. You'll find them soon enough. The last one was "Blind Date". Another is coming. Hopefully the first post will be later tonight. You can guess why. ;D)
Sep. 7th, 2015 05:24 pm (UTC)
Sentient hair? That explains SO much, lol
Sep. 7th, 2015 05:54 pm (UTC)
It does, doesn't it? :D
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )

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