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NEW: Idris' Revenge (1/1)

Title: Idris' Revenge

Author: tkel_paris

Genre: Humor, parody (basically, a crack!fic – which should have a category!)

Summary: The TARDIS isn't thrilled to realize what the Doctor is thinking toward Handy, that he doesn't realize how to save Donna, and how much danger Rose still is to the multi-verses. So she takes charge, and shocks everyone by creating a body.

Disclaimer: I think the nature of this story is proof enough I don't own the characters.

Dedication: cassikat, because I think I got this idea from the PMs we exchanged over Rose's various faults as a character. And SilverWolf7 from FF.N gets a nod, for the non-Rose-colored stories that encouraged this one.

Author's Note: You know how sometimes you really need to whump on a character? Well... this is for everyone who's EVER been mad at Rose Tyler. This might compete with cassikat's “Mirror, Mirror” (so far) for being cracktastic...

The TARDIS watched the celebrating Children of Time with a wary eye while her focus remained on her absolutely daft (oh, how she loved that description of her Thief and blessed Donna for teaching it to her!) pilot, whose mind was clearly not where it ought to have been: saving Donna Noble, not feeling angry at the Meta-Crisis version of him and Donna for putting Donna's life at risk. There was a very simple way to protect Donna, and the Doctor wasn't seeing it because he didn't like to even think of sharing Donna.

That this... moronic, foolish Time Lord, the Old Girl cried to herself, could possibly think of giving the Meta-Crisis Doctor to Rose Tyler! That little girl raped me and killed his last self – all because he couldn't bear to see a companion die if he could help it! And she's never felt sorry for any of it! Now she's risked the whole of creation just to get back to him, completely focusing ten years of her life on the project and not bothering to grow up! And the Doctor is just going to reward her in a way for it?!

The TARDIS mentally glared at the Doctor, a fire burning in her heart. I don't think so!

The engines suddenly kicked in, and the Control Room lurched violently. Everyone grabbed the nearest hard surface or object they could, jubilation vanished in an instant, and the Doctor struggled his way back to the Controls. Rose cried out, “What's happening?!”

Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor also made their way to the Controls, standing right by the Doctor. “The TARDIS has taken control,” Donna answered, needing to shout to be heard over the unnaturally loud noises. “She's taking us somewhere, whether we like it or not,” she added, noting that they were completely locked out.

The Meta-Crisis Doctor looked at the readings. “She's not telling us where she's going, either. She's never been this... this... well, angry before!”

The Doctor risked removing one hand from the tight grip on the panel to stroke it comfortingly. “Come on, Old Girl, let us see where we're going!”

But no amount of pleading or cajoling eased the ride, or reduced the growling the three people with Time Lord minds could hear blasting from the TARDIS. The Doctor sighed miserably. “Just hang on! No telling when she's going to-”

The TARDIS suddenly landed, the jolt sending them all to the floor.

People slowly recovered movement, and got to their feet. Jack suppressed a laugh when he noticed that the TARDIS had sent Donna to one side of the room... with the Doctors practically right on top of her. Oh, to be in her place!

“Get off!” Donna pushed the two skinny boys in suits off her, which sent them scrambling to their feet. “Blimey, you're both horribly heavy for being pencil-thin!”

Neither Doctor wanted to admit how pleasant it'd been to feel her underneath. So they just settled for glaring at each other from either side of her.

Martha brushed herself off, nodding at Mickey's silent query. “Where are we? The Controls look dead.”

The TARDIS rotor and controls did look rather lifeless, even if the room hadn't cooled.

The Doctor turned, took one hard look, and sighed. “She's locking us out. We've got something to do here – wherever here is – before she'll go anywhere.” Which is very bad; we've got to get everyone home, leave the dangerous Duplicate with Rose and Jackie, and maybe then I can try to save Donna...

The doors opened without help. Jackie was the first to recognize where they were. “It's the Dimension Cannon!” She ran out, making straight for Pete, who was standing in shock over their arrival.

While she was hugging her husband, the others trailed out after her and looked over their surroundings. The guards and soldiers nearby watched them with cautious eyes, although their postures said that they'd been ordered to stand down. The Doctor, Donna, and the Meta-Crisis Doctor eyed the guns in disgust.

“So,” Jack drawled, “we're in Pete's World? Seems like the old world.”

Mickey shook his head. “No planes. Zepplins instead, and a lot of things taste differently.”

Sarah Jane contemplated that. “Still, looks like things are pretty well recovered.”

Jackie pulled out of her hug, although she didn't let go of Pete's hand. “It's been ten years since Bad Wolf Bay.”

Donna's eyes widened. “Ten years?!” She looked at Rose, who didn't look a day older than the last time the Doctor had seen her – except maybe for a worry line or two. “Blimey, what have you been doing with yourself?! Have you spent all this while trying to get back to the Doctor?!”

Rose fixed a pouting glare at her. “Making the cannon work better, yes. Then I started trying to use it.”

The Meta-Crisis Doctor whirled on her. “What?! Didn't you remember what he” he pointed at the Doctor “told you and Pete?! That thing causes holes in the fabric of space-time! If you hadn't, Dalek Caan might not have been able to bring Davros back!” He felt sick over the realization.

The Doctor, Jack, Martha, and Donna all shuddered. That was unpleasant to realize, but the Doctor wasn't quite ready to let go of his plans...

Suddenly, the TARDIS let out a loud bang. The Children of Time turned to look, and saw that a panel of the TARDIS Controls was open, and a golden light was emerging from it. The three Time Lords' eyes widened, remembering the last time such light had come from or been blown back into the TARDIS. It was the Heart of the TARDIS opening. The golden light flowed out of the Controls, cutting off into a cloud of energy that flowed toward the doors and materialized into a female humanoid form.

The woman who walked out of the TARDIS was tall, slender, wearing an eighteen-century period dress. Her wavy hair was bunched into an up-do that Donna found interesting and wondered if she could copy with her own hair. Her expression was severe, although her face might have been considered attractive if she would smile. Her dark eyes slowly ran over her surroundings, narrowing at Rose and then fixing on the three Time Lords... which brought a big smile to her face. “Hello, Doctor, Donna, and Doctor's Twin!” Her voice was cold and yet delicate like tissue paper, cracking in an icy breeze.

Only Jack could work through the surprise to speak. Being a Boe-Kind helped. “Who are you, sexy?”

The woman chuckled. “Oh, Jack Harkness. Always a flirt. Well, I'm the TARDIS.”

“What?!” It came simultaneously from all three Time Lords, eyes wide in shock.

The TARDIS-woman laughed. It sounded rather joyful, pleased. “Well, I'm her essence, if you will. If you would like, I'm willing to let you call me Idris. It's like “TARDIS” only a bit different.”

Jack found a slight answering chuckle. “Have you always had the ability to take humanoid form?” Now here was an Old Girl he would happily flirt with – even if he wasn't going to do anything about it since he was monogamous with Ianto.

Idris smirked. “No. I took the extra energy from the Doctor's near-regeneration and the powering the planets back and used it. Seems that more than one person here was about to do something horribly stupid, and I wasn't going to let any of it happen. So this was the only way – take on a physical form so no one could possibly misunderstand me when I tell them why their plans are wrong.”

“What plans?” Sarah Jane felt really uneasy now, having chided the Doctor for how much he'd cared for the ship and stroked her Controls.

Martha could figure out what Sarah Jane was worried about. She, too, had made a number of sharp comments that this woman might take offense to.

Idris laughed, sounding very amused. “Oh, my dears. I know it's hard to see me as a fully-sentient creature when all you can see is a machine that travels in time and space. You two are forgiven. Mickey, too – although he needs an apology from the Doctor for all those times he was called 'idiot.'”

The Doctor cleared his throat, feeling like something was partially blocking it. He could feel Donna and the Meta-Crisis glaring at him, neither impressed with his actions toward the young man.

“But,” Idris added, “we'll deal with that later. And you, Jack, can wipe that grin off your face. Shall I tell Ianto about you actions here? And really, not hugging Donna Noble?!” Her voice turned shrill. “Not even liking her until she had the Doctor's mind inside hers? I hadn't realized that Boe-Kind could be so shallow as to not see that full curves, ginger hair, and a bolshy attitude can hide the best person in the universe. You really prefer little girls over a real woman – when you are interested in a woman?!”

Jack froze. He wasn't sure how to answer that.

“Or is it that you just prefer human females when they're blondes, and Martha was just so lovely that she was an exception? You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Boe-Kind!”

Donna watched the down-dressing in fascination, feeling a bit chuffed by Irdis' defense of her.

Idris scoffed. “If I had the inclination to engage in humanoid physical activities, there's no way I would be with a person who clearly doesn't appreciate true substance in a person! Who doesn't understand that outer appearances can hide a delicacy of feeling and caring that anyone would be blessed to have bestowed upon them!”

Jack had never felt so deflated in his life. If the TARDIS herself didn't consider him worthy... that didn't bode well for what the Doctor really thought...

“And really, Doctor!” Idris turned to walk toward her Thief, who froze solid. Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor also went stiff, not sure what was about to happen. “I know it's natural to feel gratitude toward someone who saved you, but don't you need to focus on saving Donna before anything else?”

The Doctor swallowed. “The holes between-”

“I will take care of that,” Idris snapped. “More to the point, Doctor, there's a very simple way to save Donna from the Time Lord mind burning hers.”

A few breathes sucked in as the danger to Donna's mind suddenly made itself known. Donna demanded, “You mean an alternative to my burning or his wiping my mind?! What is it?!”

Idris came to a stop right in front of Donna. “It's already there. You just need to open your mind to it.”


“I'll show you.” Idris grabbed the Doctor and the Meta-Crisis Doctor, shoving them to either side of Donna. “Each of you put one hand on her face. Establish the mental connection. Just establish it, and then listen.”

The Doctors exchanged a confused look, but – as neither of them wanted Donna's mind to burn or for her to have to lose everything she'd become – obeyed Idris' command. They managed to establish the connection simultaneously, and closed their eyes to listen... Then all three gasped suddenly. The Doctors drew away slowly, and all three had huge eyes. The Doctors eyes bounced back and forth from each other to Donna, and hers bounced between them. The truth was dawning on all of them...

Idris smirked. “Do you see it now, Doctor? What your plan would've done to Donna and your Twin?”

He did, and he hung his head in shame. Oh, Rassilon, how could I have... even thought of it?

“I'll tell you why you thought of it, my Thief,” Idris snapped, wanting him out of his funk as quickly as possible. “You managed to forget that you don't owe Rose Tyler anything. She's the one who pried my inner workings open without my permission! You know what that is, Doctor?!”

“Rape,” he said softly – though his voice carried to all of the companions. Especially Rose, who gasped in shock.

“Yes! I screamed at you to let her die, but no! You couldn't let a companion die if you could prevent it, especially after having lost everything else in the Time War because you had no choice but to be on the outside to establish the Time Lock, and you still felt a grim fatalism about living!” She didn't say what all for out loud; the knowledge of what his final self's last act would be was just for Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor to know. “So you gave up a perfectly good life for that selfish bint who doesn't even feel sorry for it 'cause she's too attracted to this you! I call that the murder of your Ninth self!”

Rose was silenced. This was a fury she'd never seen before, and she was trying to absorb the idea that she was standing accused of rape and murder.

The rest of the Children of Time were horror-struck. And looked from Rose to Idris with alarm. Even Jackie didn't dare take a step toward Rose given the accusations this energy being had made.

“Now,” Idris said, suddenly softening her voice and smiling again, “you see that Donna was partially bonded to both of you. That sending him off as a consolation prize – a flipping reward for one who didn't deserve it! – would've ultimately killed them both. But now she's fully bonded to both of you. With his help, Doctor, the excess energy will be harmlessly absorbed away from her mind. Of course, it'll help when there are impending little Time Lords on the way.”

Donna blushed hard. “Oh, my God! You mean I have... two husbands?!”

The Doctor and his Meta-Crisis twin went so pale their freckles stood out like neon. They cleared their throats, wondering how this was going to work.

Jack rather liked that complication, and only wished he could be in the midst of it. Now he definitely envied Donna Noble.

Idris smirked. “Oh, wipe that shock from your faces, Doctors! You'll learn to enjoy it; you'll have Donna safely in your lives, after all.”

Donna blanched. “Oh, blimey! Gallifreyan pregnancy lasts nearly two years!”

“But you'll have two skinny boys in suits to boss around,” Idris reminded her with a mischievous grin. “I know they'll cater to your every need. Think about all of the chocolate the Doctor found you, those wonderful teas for cramps, and the back rubs that you found so soothing.” She squeezed Donna's hands, beaming. “You'll be treated like a goddess, which you deserve.”

Donna and the Doctors stared in shock.

Idris turned suddenly and walked to the Dimension Cannon. “But some things cannot be allowed to remain existing.” She put a suddenly glowing hand on it, and sparks flared inside the machine. Before anyone could breathe, it disintegrated into a glowing pile of energy, which Idris sent inside the Controls. “Temporal energy for me to heal some crack in space-time. And...” She sent another blast into the computer nearby, which glowed for a few seconds before going back to normal. “There's a virus to erase all data about the Cannon. Pete Tyler,” she boomed, grabbing the man's complete attention. “You need to ensure that no data that's been printed out or otherwise copied survived. Burn any and all remaining information if you want this world to not be destroyed by some foolish obsessed girl.”

He nodded, not wanting to attract the being's ire.

Rose was not so wise. That was all her hard word of ten years, gone! And how could she have raped a machine?!

Idris turned on Rose. “Anything sentient,” she growled, knowing exactly what the brat's thoughts were, “can be violated. You said that I was alive, and you still didn't think you were doing wrong because you just wanted to get back to him.”

“I saved him!”

“He had another plan up his sleeve, to destroy the Daleks if need be. I would've come for him and got him out on my own.” No need to tell her how she would've known it. “But you started going into my insides, keeping the door open so I couldn't get into the Vortex. You cost the Ninth Doctor his life. Never mind that he willingly gave it up – he shouldn't have needed to. He should have let it burn you. Creation would be a safer place without you.” She grabbed Rose by the throat with one hand.

The Doctor's eyes widened in alarm. “Old Girl-”

“Oh, don't fret about more death, Doctor,” Idris chided. “I'm not going to kill the girl, as much as I don't think she deserves to live. Leaving aside that it would hurt Jackie, which I don't want to do, I want Rose Tyler to suffer the consequences of her actions. To pay a price. She cannot be allowed to know anything that she could use to harm the multi-verses ever again.”

“Don't wipe her memory!” The call was panicked, consumed by the past.

Idris fixed a hard glare at him. “And why shouldn't I?”

Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor answered when the Doctor clearly couldn't. “Jamie and Zoe.”

That softened Idris' gaze. “Very well.” She paused, and then turned to frighten Rose into pissing herself with a glare. “Not everything...” She placed her free hand on Rose's head, drawing a scream from the girl – and a muted cry from Jackie, who didn't dare move.

The Doctor froze stiff, horrified as more memories of the past haunted him. He watched helplessly as Idris reached into Rose's mind, doing who knew what. Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor moved to either side of him, each placing one hand in his shoulder and another holding his – reminding him that he was not alone in feeling the pain of what the Time Lords had done to two of his companions, the reminder of why this action was so cruel.

Rose's screams died away as Idris removed her hand, and the girl collapsed to the floor, hyperventilating. “What... what... Where am I? Someone please turn on the lights!”

The Children of Time gasped.

“Please!” Rose cried in horror. “I can't remember what happened to the Doctor! I remember the one I met, but I can't remember the one I love! I've got to back to him, but I don't know how! Please someone help me!”

Idris motioned to the armed men around them. “The poor child is overwrought. Would someone please get her to the physician for sedation? And give her something to help her forget this moment?”

“No! No drugs, please! I can't forget anything else!” Rose started thrashing around blindly, trying to feel her way around. She cries became incoherent as panic set in completely.

“She'll do harm to herself if she's not helped,” Idris ordered, like a nurse-manager on a hospital ward. That snapped a few to attention, and four men went forward.

All watched as the babbling Rose fought against her own helpers, who had no choice but to restrain her. One woman in a lab coat rushed forward with a needle. Three soldiers had to hold Rose still enough to pull enough clothing off her arm so the injection wouldn't hit the wrong spot, and it wasn't long before Rose's struggles slowed and then ceased as she lost consciousness.

Jackie looked up in tears. “What did you do to her?” Her question was meek, terrified of the answer but needing to know as Rose was her daughter.Idris gave Jackie a sad look. “I blocked her memories of the Cannon, but that wasn't enough to punish her. So I made it impossible for her to remember what the Doctor currently looks like, sounds like, and acts like. The blindness will be temporary, lasting just until we're gone from this universe. Couldn't have anything break through the blocks.”

The Doctor was completely silent, and mourning that he hadn't thought to send Rose back to her mother while she was still unconscious from his healing her. So much might've been prevented!

Donna immediately hugged him, hoping that it would help a little. She tried to touch their foreheads, hoping the contact would at least calm his mind a tiny bit. The Meta-Crisis Doctor held them both, adding to the effort to support the numb man.

Idris sighed. “Come along, Children of Time. We must return to our universe. The walls are closing.” She made shooing motions toward the TARDIS. Martha and Sarah Jane immediately obeyed, rushing inside. Jack followed at a more sedate pace, solemn.

Mickey took a deep breath. “Is it alright if I come back? I don't know if there's anything for me here.”

Idris smiled broadly. “Of course you may! No reason you should be stuck dealing with Rose; she'll ask you all sorts of questions that must not be answered.” She waved him along, and he quickly hugged Jackie – with a fond whisper of good luck – before rushing to follow Jack, for the only time in his life.

Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor gently prodded the Doctor into moving back inside the TARDIS. He numbly went along with their guiding him through the motions.

Idris looked at Jackie sadly. “I'm so sorry, Jackie Tyler, that it came to this. I hope for your sake that she will finally be able to grow up.”

The poor woman nodded, still numb from shock. Pete held her close, moving slowly to not attract the being's attention.

Idris nodded, and walked inside her outer shell, closing the doors behind her.

The Doctor, Donna, the Meta-Crisis Doctor, Mickey, and Jack landed the TARDIS in London, back home. Idris had effectively handled the other section, since it was still open for her to go back inside. She wasn't ready to go back in yet; she needed to say a few more things to her Time Lords – but that conversation had to wait until the others were gone. “Well, the four of you,” she said, speaking to the remaining Children of Time, “have a lot to do. Best get on with it!”

Jack smartly saluted her, snapped a looser one toward the various Doctors, and led the group out. He would've hugged the Doctor, but Jack wasn't sure what all the Old Girl might do right now. Never mind how protective Donna was being toward him, or how silent he'd been since Idris had partially wiped Rose's mind. He could imagine how awful that moment the Doctor was clearly stuck on must have been. He had two years of missing memories, after all...

The others waved, a bit numbly. Donna and the Meta-Crisis Doctor returned them, but the Doctor didn't seem to notice. They left, closing the doors behind them. Martha whispered, once they were outside, “I'm calling in a few days. Check on them.” She got three nods.

Meanwhile, Idris brought herself into the Vortex. Once she did, she turned to her Time Lords. “Well, Doctor,” she began, “don't you go blaming yourself anymore. Time to start replenishing the universe with Time Lords, so you and your twin had better start... talking with Donna.”

Three almost identical blushes bloomed.

Idris thought a moment. “Oh, be glad I'm not insisting that you go straight to Chiswick!”

The men paled suddenly. Donna swallowed hard. “But we can go at any moment, can't we?”

“Oh, yes. I just wanted to remind you three that it's best to go get a start on that first Time Tot.” She laughed over their shocked looks. “Oh, you're not going anywhere until Donna is pregnant by at least one of you. I promise to avert my attention. Now go get on with it!” She beamed, and then dived back inside the Controls. The open console slammed shut behind her, sealing itself again.

Donna looked from one Doctor to the other, blushing over the thought of two pairs of hands on her at once... and more than a bit disturbed by how not uncomfortable she was over it. The Doctors, meanwhile, were absolutely at a loss of what to do next. At least, where to start...



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 4th, 2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
Is it wrong that I actually really love the idea of the TARDIS doing all that and don't see it as all that crackish? XD
Feb. 4th, 2012 04:02 pm (UTC)
No, but I think it has to be classified as such - sadly. I couldn't help myself. I had to write it. Glad you loved Idris - especially since I've barely seen the episode she appeared in. :D
Feb. 4th, 2012 05:40 pm (UTC)
Now while this is exceedingly harsh on Rose, I do have to say that I love what you've done in ensuring that Donna has two Doctors to play with. Very nice!
Feb. 4th, 2012 06:04 pm (UTC)
Well, Idris WAS going to completely wipe Rose's mind. Her trio of Time Lords stopped her. But the knowledge of the Cannon couldn't stay... So... *shrugs*

Ah, yes... Play with. ;D Gives new meaning to the phrase, "If you see the TARDIS a-rocking, don't come a-knocking!" ;P
Feb. 4th, 2012 07:12 pm (UTC)
Donna DOES deserve two Doctors worshiping her!
Feb. 5th, 2012 02:07 am (UTC)
Yes, she does! :D
Feb. 5th, 2012 10:21 am (UTC)
If the Doctors are at a loss, shall I send them a reading list? Ha ha ha
Feb. 10th, 2012 01:07 am (UTC)
I'm sure the TARDIS has provided them with one at this point. ;P
Feb. 8th, 2012 07:17 am (UTC)
Sometimes I like Rose, other times I want to smack her. Fics like this bring me enjoyment. Rose is just in the way of my Ten/Donna enjoyment so...I'm glad she gets the boot. =P

And uh...I have zero problem with two Doctors. *shifty eyes* Zero. *stupid giggle*

I loved this.

Feb. 10th, 2012 01:08 am (UTC)
I've just quit liking Rose. Occasionally, a fellow D/D writer can make her tolerable. Occasionally...

Oh, is that some sort of hint there? *raised eyebrow*
Feb. 10th, 2012 03:05 pm (UTC)
WELL DESERVED ROSE TYLER. can i just say that i hate her? yes i hate her.

Two Doctors to play with asdfghjkl;
Love it! Thank you so much! Donna Noble FTW!
Feb. 12th, 2012 02:29 pm (UTC)
Good to know I'm in good company. ;D

*clears throat* Um, yes, it is delightful... *blushes*

Donna's going to be dealing with a lot in the future. Thank goodness she has two skinny boys in suits to boss around. :)
Feb. 23rd, 2012 04:00 pm (UTC)
1 - "skinny boys in suits" is my second most favorite description of the Doctor(s) (the first being my own "skinny little alien in a blue suit hovering about") !

2 - who *wouldn't* want two Doctors to "play" with. Kind of like "dancing", huh?

and 4 (no 3!) - Rose getting her memories erased instead od Donna, just bloody brilliant!!

All in all, a wonderful piece. I just worry that, after the first Time Tot arrives, poor Donna wiht have *three* children to deal with!
Feb. 25th, 2012 01:39 am (UTC)
1. "Skinny boys in suits" is such a great phrase! :D

2. Well, she's going to need them once she is pregnant! ;P

3. I had to write a fic where it happened. It was bound to happen, given my feelings about Rose.

4. Yes, she effectively will have two big "children" to deal with, but she already does. ;D

Feb. 25th, 2012 02:14 am (UTC)
1. It sure is. Only thing better would be "skinny boys in leather"! (Fright Night did a number on me, can you tell?!)

2. I think I'd feel a little sorry for the two of them. Hormonal Donna might be a bit much, even for two Time Lords!

3. Oh, that this were canon. I just watched "School Reunion" again, and kept replaying the scene where she's bitching about him having had others before her. He's flipping 900 years old!!!! Did she really expect he'd be solitary, just waiting for her to arrive on his doorstep? What a self-absorbed child! In that scene I really couldn't understand why he'd ever want to keep her around. I guess it helped that he was as emotionally stunted as she was....at least until Donna came along.

4. She's used to dealing with one. Maybe it's like with cats. It's always better to have them in pairs, so they have a playmate when you're busy or not around!
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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