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FIC: All I Have Left (1/1)

Title: All I Have Left

Rating: T (angst, yelling, JE aftermath)

Author: tkel_paris

Summary: Ten's thoughts, with flashbacks, in the aftermath of Journey's End. But he's not alone. Sort of part of the There's The Door series.

Disclaimer: At minimum, this would've been the end of JE had I any say in Who. :(

Dedication: tardis-mole. I asked for prompts for my Story-a-Day challenge, and this was one of them.

Author's Note: To get myself in to mood to write this, I played Kelly Clarkson's “Cry” over and over on the way to my writer's group. Promptly wrote a very happy story to counteract that mood. This story will likely have a sequel. I just can't figure out what at the moment. So it's being posted now.

All I Have Left

Started May 2, 2012
Finished March 22, 2013

The Doctor stood in the Control Room, soaking wet from the monsoon that was pounding England. It was over. He'd done the worst thing he'd ever done. It might top the Time Lock, because if he'd been really careful he might've avoided this.

A lot of his carefully held assumptions were shattered today. The biggest was regarding Rose Tyler. And she still didn't understand what she had done...

I'm not going back!” Rose's whine was extreme, even in yelling.

The Doctor glared at her. Oh, he'd forgotten how much of a brat humans on the cusp of their twenties from certain places in the 21st Century could be. “How old are you, Rose? You should be at least 30 by now. Have you even grown up a bit?”

The three bystanders for this moment were watching carefully. Of course they would. People couldn't help watching a train wreck. It wasn't limited to humans.

Rose blinked. “What does that have to do with anything? You need me!”

No, I don't,” he snapped, patience worn out. He had to leave here fast, to have any chance of his future being intact. “You signed a pact with the Devil when you got Torchwood's help. I remember looking them up when we were here last. They're worse than the one from my universe. This planet might be in the 21st Century, but its morals are from much earlier.”

Doctor,” Rose started, but was cut off.

They wanted you to capture me, bring me back, didn't they?”

Well, I told them that wasn't happening. And when you take me back, it won't.”

You're not coming back, Rose. You caused this. Not even the Rift at Medusa could account for Caan getting in. The walls between the universes are weakening. I now have to spend time fixing them, strengthening them. If you hadn't worked on that cannon, Creation would never have been in danger.”

Rose shook her head. “How could one cannon do all that?”

It wasn't just the cannon, Rose. As the Bad Wolf, the persona you created to handle the Heart of the TARDIS having ripping it from her without permission, you did untold damage to the universe. In fact, I think you scared Caan into flying into the place that allowed him to free Davros. One way or another, this is your fault. Consider yourself exiled.” If you live, he thought grimly.

No!” She stormed up to him, but he sharply pushed her away. Since he was so much stronger, it sent her flying briefly, and she landed on her tailbone. The crack was audible, and she cried out in shock.

You betrayed me, Rose. You betrayed Creation. That doesn't get any more second chances. Goodbye.” And he rushed inside the TARDIS.

He sighed miserably. Rose might've condemned herself to being executed by playing to their Torchwood's rules. Which she'd signed on to when she begged their help in getting back to him.

Poor Jackie, he sighed as he peeled off his jacket. He hoped she didn't pay any price. Or her other children. Pete had done a lot, but it wasn't enough. His world was turning into a xenophobic police state.

His eyes watered again. Because thinking of parents and how their actions influenced their own children was a painful reminder of where he'd just been.

It was the worst moment of his last 900 years. Another loss at his own hands. He couldn't think of anything else. He had no time.

Worst irony of all. A Time Lord who was out of time. Proof the universe hated him.

Sylvia and Wilf's hearts were broken. Their precious Donna was back to being unaware, and could never know what good she'd done. She was at so much risk. So many people could trigger the memories to return. How many people would have to be warned or kept away from her?

The implications were staggering. He might have delayed her death at the hands of the Meta-Crisis energy. Nothing more.

It hit harder as he watched Donna talking to some random so-called friend on the phone. “How thick d'you think I am?" Donna demanded of whoever she was talking to on her mobile. "Planets! I'll tell you what that was, dumbo. It's those two-for-one lagers you get down the offy, cos you fancy that little man with the goatee! Haha! Yes, you do. I've seen you!"

It took all the willpower he had to maintain anything like a calm manner, especially because of the trembling person by his side who could barely stand to look, too. “Donna?” He had to say one last thing, see her look his way one more time.

She did, with no recognition.

It hurt. More than anything. “We were just going.”

She shrugged without shrugging. “Yeah, see ya.”

He walked away, leading his sole remaining companion, as she continued on about someone and only lying about calories. He couldn't bear it any longer.

He heard a rustling behind him, and he turned to face the other occupant of the TARDIS. Determined to face whatever he had to help the one other person who was more than a companion.

There his poor Duplicate, his and Donna's instant son, numbly fell into the Jump Seat. His face was stained with tears, clear even with the rain. The poor boy in a man's body had lost his mother.

And felt it was his own fault, just for being born.

The Doctor dragged his feet over, and wrapped his arms around his son. He knew exactly how he felt.

The boy broke down, finally able to. He'd wanted to in front of his grandmother and great-grandfather, but there would've been no way of explaining it away to Donna. Not even a mind-wipe could have kept her from needing to comfort someone so upset. Which only would've made his son more upset.

Their son. Josiah Andrew Smith-Noble. It was the last thing Donna did before he locked away her memories – name their boy.

He was filled with regrets, and he'd lost Donna. But he wasn't alone.

“Mum,” Josiah wailed, sinking into a deeper sobbing fit.

The Doctor remembered Wilf's last words, after saying he'd watch the stars:

Please, don't give up! Maybe you can find something that'll heal her!” he cried, trying to not be overhead. “And please don't be a complete stranger. Sylvie and me, we want to see our boy again.”

There was no way he could deny his son's family that. And he would have to try.

For Josiah's sake.

For Wilf's.

For Sylvia's.

For his own.

For Donna.



( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 22nd, 2013 03:13 am (UTC)
I think you actually hate Rose more than i do. xD

I guess this is AU cuz of Josiah? At least the Doctor is accepting his metacrisis clone, i'm sick of fics where he hates him or shuts him out.
Mar. 22nd, 2013 10:34 am (UTC)
I bet you haven't read my series "There's the Door!" yet. If you want anti-Rose stuff... :D Or seen this icon. ;)

Yeah. Quite a few of my May 2012 stories ended up dealing with Handy either trying to come back or trying to not be left behind. Or someone else preventing him from being left behind.
Mar. 22nd, 2013 05:43 pm (UTC)
Yeah, the Stolen Journey was crap. It is a testament to that that we're all still writing fix its.
Mar. 22nd, 2013 04:06 am (UTC)
Glad he kept the metacrisis clone rather than giving him away to the blone thing! it always broken my heart that goodbye with Donna and the doc. thanks for posting
Mar. 22nd, 2013 10:39 am (UTC)
I think this made the goodbye even worse, because he KNOWS what the Meta-Crisis Doctor is to him and Donna, and now he's... exactly what the title says. Thank you for commenting.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 22nd, 2013 10:46 am (UTC)
Like I was going to let him do otherwise? :)
Mar. 22nd, 2013 07:04 am (UTC)
Poor Josiah. *hugs him* I'm glad you will be continuing this.
Mar. 22nd, 2013 10:46 am (UTC)
Naturally, now that I've posted, ideas are coming. *sighs* Sequel probably won't be up until May or June.
Mar. 22nd, 2013 09:21 am (UTC)
My heart's breaking here!! *sobs* *rushes to hug them both*
Mar. 22nd, 2013 10:47 am (UTC)
Not sure they're feeling the hug, at least consciously. :( But the effort is appreciated deeply. *joins in the hug*
Mar. 22nd, 2013 11:10 am (UTC)
You have left us with just that tiniest smidgen of hope there at the end. That somehow he will find a way to reverse what he had to do. That's what I want to believe anyway. This does beg for a sequel. *on one knee offering chocolate*

Can I say that I was reading this last night during intermission at a hockey game and had to restrain myself from clapping and pumping the air while reading the "Dressing Down of Rose Tyler"!?! (hmmm...great title for a fic)

Mar. 22nd, 2013 11:28 am (UTC)
Muse has ideas now, so I'll probably write it in May. *Muse gobbles your offering, happily munching on ideas and chocolate*

Ooh! I think that'll be the title of one of my other May stories this year! Part of the Top Ten Things You Should Never Say to the Doctor list! :DDDD
Mar. 22nd, 2013 11:37 am (UTC)
Soooooo happy to hear this! *slides a couple of fairy cakes and tea to go with it*

Feel free to use it! I find it so hard to include Rosie in my stories in any form that I'm sure I won't need it.
Mar. 22nd, 2013 12:05 pm (UTC)
*eying the mess Muse is making with the fairy cakes* Well, I always knew Bonzina wasn't tidy... *sighs*

Then it will be used! :DDD Thanks!
Mar. 22nd, 2013 03:21 pm (UTC)
"Bonzina"? Is that what you call your Muse? Hmm. Mine doesn't seem to one beyond "Incessant Voice in my Head!" Perhaps she'd behave better if I named her. :D

With my blessing! How about "The Seven Deadly Sins of Rose Tyler"!?! (I'm gonna get myself killed!)

Mar. 22nd, 2013 03:35 pm (UTC)
Eh, I decided to name her. We'll see how that goes. :)

Ooh! I'll pass that one on. Might have a friend or two who want a crack at writing THAT fic. Not that I might not do it myself. ;DDDDD
Mar. 22nd, 2013 03:47 pm (UTC)
I tend to refer to mine as "Chatty Cathy" a lot.

I'm great with titles! It's just getting the stories attached to them written that seems to be the problem (a certain wedding springs to mind.....must go write)
Jun. 5th, 2016 01:01 pm (UTC)
You have the sequel written in May?
Yay!! When will you post it? Please?
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )

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